Counting the Steps

It’s a Sunday morning in 1974. A young nervous boy has been given his first opportunity to distinguish himself as a Cub Scout during church walks.

That boy is me and I’ve been tasked with carrying a flag from the back of the church up into the chancel during the culminating church service. It is a straightforward affair, but I am nervous. I have never liked being the centre of attention and the church seems particularly full that morning.

Just before I begin, Akela leans towards me and offers a piece of advice. Count between your steps. I remember looking down at my shoes, feeling my hands shake and wondering whether the tremor was visible to everybody else. Then I started to walk. At first the counting helped - somewhere between the back of the church and the sanctuary I stopped feeling nervous and started growing in confidence.

A few moments later, as I reached the crossover into the chancel, I felt myself crumple backwards against an unseen force. There was a snapping sound, followed by the unmistakable noise of something striking the floor. In my growing confidence I had forgotten to account for the height of the flag. The pole had collided with the medieval rood screen and dislodged a piece of ancient timber. I can still remember the horror of that moment.

I still wake up in sweats thinking about it.

Last week saw the culmination of my York Minster art commission and, whilst carrying the finished artwork into the Minster, I found myself thinking about that young Cub Scout. The project has taken many steps towards completion and, like other things that matter deeply, it has been accompanied by moments of self-doubt.

Yet as I stood within the Minster with the finished piece, it felt as though I come full circle. The artwork was a way of connecting with St. William, with York, and with the people of the past. But it was also something more personal. A balm of sorts. A reminder that old fears do not have to have the final word.

The Digest has played an important part in that journey - helping with recognition, connection and acknowledgement. What began as a way of exploring buildings, landscapes and history has also become a way of exploring myself and finding my place within an increasingly complex world.

More than that, it has become a community of thoughtful people who share a belief that places, stories and human connections not only still matter, but are vital to a healthy society.

These things matter, and no amount of self-doubt, however excruciating, will prevent me from sharing them.

SUMMER PLANS AND BEYOND

The York Minster commission may have reached its conclusion, but the road continues. This Friday's Digest will single out places that have profoundly moved me - places you might want to visit during the lighter days.

Soon I'll be sharing my recent visit to an extraordinary ancient church in the Cotswolds, and, later this summer, setting out on stretches of Offa's Dyke. In between - there are countless exciting places that I'm visiting.

Beyond that are the first stirrings of a longer journey through the old kingdom of Dál Riata, tracing the sea-linked landscapes of western Scotland and Ireland. As ever, I'll be bringing Digest readers along with me.

As we approach the longest day of the year, I want to say thank you for your support.

MEMBERSHIP DISCOUNT AND FREE MEMBERSHIPS ARE AVAILABLE.

Setting up a paid membership was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but, if you enjoy the Digest and feel able to support the work, I’m offering a 20% discount on the most popular Parlour tier membership.

If now’s not the right time to become a paying member, that’s absolutely fine.

The Digest will always remain free to read. And if you’d love access to the members-only content but can’t afford it right now, I’ve set aside a few no-cost places – just reply to this email and I’ll sort one out, no fuss.

Many people use the Digest for Continuous Professional Development (CPD) and the extra member’s content provides a wealth of information. So, if it might help you this way, shout out - get access.

Lauren Marshall - Museum Director Merchant Adventurers' Hall

I would like to thank the Digest Members for supporting you and in turn supporting buildings like ours. They are the cheerleaders for our built heritage – large and small - and they should be applauded!

Many of the places I've visited, people I've met and stories I've shared over the last few years have happened because members made them possible.

The Parlour tier includes:
– Monthly access to Patina, where I share early drafts from the book I’m writing on recovery and rebuilding
– Extra photography, members-only content, and reflections
– Invitations to help shape future projects
– And the knowledge that you’re helping keep this road-worn work alive

If you feel able to support – thank you.